Motion to Slay

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

Despite writing for a living, I can’t say I don’t still love it. And because I to stifle my sarcasm and goofiness at work, I have the overwhelming urge to find socially acceptable (…or not) outlets to put the world (or just my mom and only two friends) on notice of precisely how weird I am.

So, welcome.

Now, I’m no “writer,” per se. So, I am under no disillusionment of being eloquent, inspiring, or even grammatically correct. It’s just that the majority of what I do on a daily basis is write. The problem is, the writing is just. So. Dry. Woe be the attorney who actually has the cojones to inject humor into his or her motions. The courts are generally not appreciative of such shenanigans…because everyone in this industry is dead inside. But that’s neither here nor there. I do this because if I don’t; I have an unholy fear my bizarreness will redline and I’ll explode. True story.

But, I must confess: I have a food blog where I allow my weirdness to flourish. So, one would imagine that’s enough to ease the pressure.

Second confession: I’m SUPER lazy and can’t bring myself to bake EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND.

So, here we are.

I find makeup and skincare lends itself to lazy, pent-up weirdos who can’t bake cupcakes on a consistent basis. (Consider: those words just left my fingertips in that order. Are you sure you want to keep reading?) Of course you’re sure. You’re still here.

Just dive into that rabbit hole.

I do makeup. I also like skincare, because without it, makeup is harder. I happen to do both everyday and have access to a free blog platform. So, it took exactly 9 minutes to consider what the nature of this blog would be. I know, I know. I painstakingly thought this one out because I’m so diligent and detail-oriented. It’s what makes me such a fantastic attorney. So, check your emotions, groupie-chan and hang on to your knickers.

I will be using this colorful platform to review products, show you how to put stuff on your face and otherwise bullshit about life. It’ll be fun.

Bring wine.

Make no mistake: this platform will also be used to shamelessly plug my Instagram page and food blog. We’re all about transparency here. But think about it: cupcakes, makeup and pathetic attempts at humor. What else would you be doing with your spare time?

That’s what I thought.

So. That HUGE picture of my face at the top? I made a video on how to make your face look like that. Check it out on my Instagram page. Imma be candid: I wasn’t emotionally prepared to pay for the premium WordPress wich would have allowed me to post the video here.

The eyes are Photoshopped, and I used the James Charles Morphe palette. That shiz’s amazing. All of the colors I’ve used are super pigmented, creamy, and easily blended. Good job, Morphe. Per the usual.

The three colors I used were black, red and the douchrome purple (in the inner corners). Lips were Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink (I always forget what order those words go in, but I imagine you could probably use them in any order, and it would still make sense), in Pioneer and Voyager. Ya’ll. Maybelline may be a “drugstore” brand, but it is LEGIT. It’s affordable and the quality matches some of the more ‘spensive stuff at Sephora.

I used a red lip liner for the veins and red shadow from the Morphe palette around the lips.