Motion to Slay

Let’s talk about  hate comments and being offended. As someone who makes a living arguing, I have to say I have never once been offended in my career by anyone. Well…I mean, if being offended by stupidity counts, I guess that statement is not an entirely true statement. The reason I have never been offended  making a living arguing is because the arguments are based on law and fact, and never ever on opinion. Nor are they ever personal. It is because we are professionals. In fact if you try to make a personal attack against someone in court, chances are you’ll be thrown the fuck out.

I’m obviously not new to the internet and have seen the hate. It’s mind boggling how nasty people can be for literally no reason. Like, you can say you like bananas, and you’ll have people calling you a piece of shit person because they don’t like bananas. Being part of the beauty community, I’ve seen people  leave comments on makeup posts about how only fake empty people wear makeup; or how ugly the person is; or how she’s a whore for wearing makeup. Like, it’s fucking absurd to me how people are so hateful. I know it’s very easy to be a keyboard warrior because there is no physical repercussion for being mean (like, no one’s gonna sock you for being an asshole on the internet); but it’s not the audacity that gets me.

It’s the unmitigated and in most cases, completely unfounded hatred. 

Like. Why, tho?

Why are you so mad? Who hurt you? Do you think you’re being cool or funny? And these comments-while completely unfounded (like calling someone a piece of shit for liking bananas, or a whore for wearing makeup),  do affect the person being targeted  (even though it’s absurd to feel hurt for liking bananas). It affects people because most people have a certain level of insecurity and feel the need to fit in an be accepted; and when they are told they’re doing something wrong, or are wrong, or otherwise are not humaning  the way  someone thinks they should, it has an adverse impact. 

I had stayed relatively sheltered from internet hate—mostly because I only recently started putting myself out there. But also because I don’t make controversial content (well…except here). I put on makeup, play dress-up, act like an idiot and for the most part people seem to enjoy it. But I recently hit over 100,000 on TikTok, and let me tell you, it’s true what they say: you know you’ve “made it” when you start getting the hate comments. I made a TikTok to an Eddie Izzard bit and  over 100 angsty teenage boys tried to “ratio” the video (get more likes on a negtative comment than the likes on the video itself) because  they didn’t think the video was funny. So—rather than just swiping up, they amassed themselves, and spent time and energy  to get as many hate comments on the video as they could. Like, the little bastards came after me for no other reason than they didn’t think I was funny. 

It was baffling. Also, like…thanks I guess. The more you interact with a video, the better it is for  me.

On another video I posted, someone told me to “grow a personality.” I replied jokingly, “I have several,” and the dude was literally like, “do they all use other peoples’ content because they’re all empty inside?” Like…what? Why?  Why are you so mad? The video was lipsyncing to a comedian telling people it was okay to be offended. I was wearing clown makeup. Now, this was the ONLY negative comment I’ve seen on that post. 

BUT. 

It’s that people feel emboldened to be mean FOR NO REASON  that is confusing to me. Do people just get that triggered nowadays now? Like, why are you so mad?  When I say I am baffled, I mean, I am truly truly without understanding as to how people wake up on any given day and are like, “Yeah. I’m gonna ruin someone’s day today.”

I guess that is what this world is now. People  are awful to one another, emboldened by the veil of their computer screens. Which brings me to the point of this post, and tangentialy, the point Steve Hughes was trying to get across in the bit that my reinactment  of went slightly viral:

It’s OKAY to be offended. 

Nothing happens when you’re offended. You get mad, and then you move on. Don’t let some asshole ruin your day. Trust me: it is a LOT more easily said than done. Especially if you’re someone like me who thrives on outside affirmations. It’s my love language, what can I say? You can’t control how other people feel or what they say to you. Thus, there is nothing YOU can do to prevent or remedy the situation. The situation being, another person’s  personal  fucked-up-ery. Indeed, anther person’s being fuceked-up is entirely a **THEM** problem, and thus by defination not a **YOU** problem. 

For a reason only known to that person, something you have said or done, or your mere existence has awakened unresolved pain and in order to protect themselves, their body is producing cortisol (you know, the “fight or flight” hormone?) and they are lashing out at the thing that has awakened whatever demon it is that they harbor in order to aleviate this entirely physiological response. 

In fact, this troll’s comment on your post has precisly ZERO things to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with their inability to process a traumatic thing that happened to them in their life. And you know what that means?

IT’S NOT. YOUR GODDAMNED. PROBLEM. 

Now. 

Obviously, if the thing you posted is meant to attack something or someone, be okay with facing defenses to the attack.

But if your post is inacuous, DON’T * WORRY  * ABOUT * IT. 

Again, much easier said than done; but if I may just take this moment to relay one of the wisest things someone has ever said to me  in my life: 

You and only you are in control of yourself. How YOU feel; how YOU process things; YOUR reactions. Just you. No one is holding a gun to your head forcing your feel anything. Therefore, YOU are in complete control of  whether you are going to have a “good” day, or a “bad” day. Allowing someone else’s insecurity or inability to process an unaddressed internal issue  to impact your day is completely your fault. Sorrynotsorry. You did this to yourself. 

While harsh, I feel that tough self-talk is sometimes necessary to shake yourself out of a particular way of thinking. Don’t take this too far; because it can go too far.  But do understand that there are certain things you can control and many many more things you cannot control. And for those things you cannot control, there is no need to worry about those things. Why would you worry about things you can’t control? There is literally nothing you can do about it; and isn’t that what causes the stress in the furst place? The thought that you could have, or should have done something different—to prevent something, or to change something?  I mean, I guess one could say there is stress in having unplanned stuff happen to you…like being hit by a meteor; but in that case, you’re gone before you feel anything; so why worry?

I’m not sure how we went from internet trolls to meteors; but here we are. I imagine meteors are part of the reason you’re reading this post to begin with…sooooo… 

What I’m trying to say is don’t sweat the haters. Their hate has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Be confident in yourself and love yourself. See you through the eyes of your mom and dad; your friends; your brother or sister (they do love you, even though they’d totally fart in your mouth while you sleep); or that one professor who you can always count on to dish out a shining referral.  You are more than what internent trolls tell you; and probably what you tell yourself. There are people in your life who think you are THE perfect being. People you love and respect. So, listen to them. I love you. And you should too.