Motion to Slay

Let's play dress-up and drink wine

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I’m a lawyer with weird hobbies: like spending hours researching the etymology, history and origin of certain cocktails and alcohol. And being frustrated with the state of the world even after I’ve told myself not to read about the state of the world. And beginning sentences with the word “and.” None of the opinions I post here matter, and are often times probably pretty dumb; BUT, I promise there will at least be some humor injected somewhere in each post. And curse words…lots of curse words. And if reading superfluous opinions isn’t your thing (I don’t blame you), head over to the “Booze” section for cocktail recipes, history and stories! I do hope you don’t take this page too seriously and enjoy yourself while here.
  • Half Caked Knows Colors

    Half Caked Knows Colors

    Subscribing to Ipsy last year was probably one of the best decisions of my life, aside from marrying my husband (sorry, law school). For those who aren’t aware, Ipsy is a subscription by which you are sent a bag of mini skincare/hair care/makeup products every month for $10. No, this isn’t a sponsored post, I just really effin love Ipsy. I first subscribed when I was first seriously getting into makeup because it made all the financial sense in the world. I had no idea which brands I liked best; no idea what types of foundations or concealers or mascara would work best with my face, and was otherwise clueless with regard to skincare. Without Ipsy, I would have been wandering blindfolded in a very very expensive fog. In fact, I dare say without Ipsy, my makeup journey would have been very brief. 

    Which brings me to the subject of this post: Half Caked lipstick. You guys. This stuff is a.w.e.s.o.m.e. 

    The first liquid lipstick I got with Ipsy by Half Caked was in my June bag. It was this fire-enginey, corally red and let me tell you, it smelled like the devil’s toe jam. BUT! The formula was spot on: super light weight, non-drying, long-wearing, almost smudge-proof and water proof (I tested it by falling off the boat. It was not intentional.). My favorite part about that lipstick, though, was the color. It was absolutely PERFECT for summer. Not too blue, not too orange. Worked amazingly with a soft nude smokey eye, lashes and glow.

    But I did not purchase a second lip color from Half Caked because reasons. I don’t even remember if there was a thought process involved (which is not out of the ordinary for me). 

    So, you can imagine my delight when Ipsy asked if I wanted an extra Half Caked lipstick with my October bag. 

    Why yes, Ipsy. I would love another Half Caked liquid lipstick.

    When it came, the first thing I did was swatch it, and let me tell you: it did not smell like petroleum. In fact, it smelled like its namesake: freshly-baked vanilla cake, and YA’LL. I wanted to lick it. 

    The color is a rusty, ashy orangey cranberry-y hue which, like its summery predecessor, is PERFECT for fall. So, of course I did a look. The formula seemed even better than the first—more hydrating, still lightweight and almost as long-lasting as the Maybelline Matte Superstay stuff (which you need an industrial sander to remove from your face).

    In sum? Highly recommended. And don’t wait around for Ipsy to offer it in a random bag. Be proactive. 

  • Tiny Tako Skincare Products and Best Weekend Ever

    Tiny Tako Skincare Products and Best Weekend Ever

    Tradewinds Resort, St. Pete Beach, Florida.

    This weekend was an absolute BLAST. My firm is made up of amazing people: Smart, funny, kind, hard-working, thoughtful, amazingpeople; and I am absurdly fortunate to have been taken in almost two years ago. Every year, our firm treats its attorneys to a retreat: basically and all-expense-paid vacation where everyone gets to kick back, relax and get to know everyone else a little better. This year, the retreat was at the  beautiful Tradewinds resort in St. Pete Beach. I happen to love 20 minutes away, so this was also SUPER convenient. One of the things I love most about our firm is the fact that everyone works hard and plays hard. And play hard we did. 

    Me: being a weirdo.

    I’ve always wondered what I’d sound like as a 45 year-old life-ling smoker. 

    I actually haven’t, but I certainly found out this weekend. 

    For as much as I take skin and self-care seriously, I also understand some things must be sacrificed for the good of the soul. Like when the waiter asks if you want dessert (the answer is always“yes”); or when , for example, you’re  spending the weekend in literal paradise with 24-hour access to a villa full of booze and Doritos (I told you: my firm is the best in the world). 

    Priorities. 

    Suffice it to say, I woke up this morning looking r.o.u.g.h. So, I dedicated this afternoon to self-care and recovery. Which was an excellent reason to try out my new skincare products that were a gift from my number one spirit animal, Niki; who brought them all the way from South Korea after she returned from duty. Allow me to gush some more about a particularly amazing human. I’ve only known Niki for about 8 years—which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that long—but she has become the person I trust the most, apart from my own parents and husband. She’s the person I call with  problems, insecurities, or for advice, because I know she’ll always have an answer (whether I like the answer or not—but that’s what makes Niki so amazing). She’s who I send paintings of Korean gingerbread houses and raccoons with tiny human hands (upon request), and is otherwise my best friend. 

    So, when she brought me back skincare products from the place skincare was pretty much invented, I almost peed myself I was so excited. 

    LOOK. AT. THESE. OCTOPUSES.

    I hate those stupid “Blessed” t-shirts, signs and jewelry; but this weekend I can’t help but feel as though the universe just patted me on the back , reminding me life is pretty awesome. 

    But you’re not here to read about my awesome firm and awesome friends, no. 

    You’re here to read about octopus-shaped skincare products and snail juice masks!

    So, the first thing I did was wash my poor, poor, puffy, broken-out, deeply dehydrated face with a  cleanser. Any will do—I use a $5.00 Neutragena knock-off from Publix. 

    Then, I use the littlest octopus: an exfoliating stick with what I assume is charcoal that’s supposed to loosen dead skin cells and allow for maximum penetration (Ha. That’s what she said) of the charcoal mask.  Next is the mask. It’s SO creamy and foamy and smells so good, I effin’ love it. I left it one my face for 10 minutes. Can I just tell you, it. Works. I even tried it on the hubs, who has big pores and blackheads. After 10 minutes, that shit was GONE. Even he was impressed, which is pretty hard to do. Then, it was the snail juice. 

    Okay. Snail “secretion.” But since “secretion” is about as cringy as “moist,” it’s “snail juie.”

    That was left on for 15 minutes (while I wrote the first half of this post). It did not smell like snail juice. It was a lovely delicate floral smell. After the mask, my face felt almostback to normal. Then it was the sebum-control jelly stuff in the middle octopus  (also really good-smelling) and a moisturizer. The moisturizer was a tiny tiny sample I got with my October Ipsy bag by Belif. I will be ordering a full pot, because that ish is amazeballs. Super lightweight, not greasy and smells SO good. I’m really on board with the gel moisturizers of late.

    There you have it: facial care brought to you be adorable octopuses (octopi? Takos? Yeah. Takos.)

  • The First Post…EVAARRR! And it’s Spooky!

    The First Post…EVAARRR! And it’s Spooky!

    Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

    — Oscar Wilde.

    Despite writing for a living, I can’t say I don’t still love it. And because I to stifle my sarcasm and goofiness at work, I have the overwhelming urge to find socially acceptable (…or not) outlets to put the world (or just my mom and only two friends) on notice of precisely how weird I am.

    So, welcome.

    Now, I’m no “writer,” per se. So, I am under no disillusionment of being eloquent, inspiring, or even grammatically correct. It’s just that the majority of what I do on a daily basis is write. The problem is, the writing is just. So. Dry. Woe be the attorney who actually has the cojones to inject humor into his or her motions. The courts are generally not appreciative of such shenanigans…because everyone in this industry is dead inside. But that’s neither here nor there. I do this because if I don’t; I have an unholy fear my bizarreness will redline and I’ll explode. True story.

    But, I must confess: I have a food blog where I allow my weirdness to flourish. So, one would imagine that’s enough to ease the pressure.

    Second confession: I’m SUPER lazy and can’t bring myself to bake EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND.

    So, here we are.

    I find makeup and skincare lends itself to lazy, pent-up weirdos who can’t bake cupcakes on a consistent basis. (Consider: those words just left my fingertips in that order. Are you sure you want to keep reading?) Of course you’re sure. You’re still here.

    Just dive into that rabbit hole.

    I do makeup. I also like skincare, because without it, makeup is harder. I happen to do both everyday and have access to a free blog platform. So, it took exactly 9 minutes to consider what the nature of this blog would be. I know, I know. I painstakingly thought this one out because I’m so diligent and detail-oriented. It’s what makes me such a fantastic attorney. So, check your emotions, groupie-chan and hang on to your knickers.

    I will be using this colorful platform to review products, show you how to put stuff on your face and otherwise bullshit about life. It’ll be fun.

    Bring wine.

    Make no mistake: this platform will also be used to shamelessly plug my Instagram page and food blog. We’re all about transparency here. But think about it: cupcakes, makeup and pathetic attempts at humor. What else would you be doing with your spare time?

    That’s what I thought.

    So. That HUGE picture of my face at the top? I made a video on how to make your face look like that. Check it out on my Instagram page. Imma be candid: I wasn’t emotionally prepared to pay for the premium WordPress wich would have allowed me to post the video here.

    The eyes are Photoshopped, and I used the James Charles Morphe palette. That shiz’s amazing. All of the colors I’ve used are super pigmented, creamy, and easily blended. Good job, Morphe. Per the usual.

    The three colors I used were black, red and the douchrome purple (in the inner corners). Lips were Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink (I always forget what order those words go in, but I imagine you could probably use them in any order, and it would still make sense), in Pioneer and Voyager. Ya’ll. Maybelline may be a “drugstore” brand, but it is LEGIT. It’s affordable and the quality matches some of the more ‘spensive stuff at Sephora.

    I used a red lip liner for the veins and red shadow from the Morphe palette around the lips.